After the hurricane...comes the rainbow...

Well... another flare, another hospital, another round of steroids have come....

This has been a really rough season for me with aches, pains, injuries, and random reactions....like a long hurricane with lots of turmoil and destruction... now I am waiting for my rainbow...

The Wind Beneath My Wings

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle,

cause you are the wind beneath my wings...."

"Fly, fly fly high against the sky,

So high I almost touched the sky.

Thank you, thank you,

Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings."

-Bette Midler

It's all about perspective....

He is ornrey...

He is mischievious....

He is lazy....

He irritates his sister...

He makes messes....

Most days, he makes me want to pull out my hair....one by one....

But then I stop and look at the whole picture....

In 2 years, he will be getting ready to drive....

In 4 years, he will be getting ready to leave for college...

I notice the wonderful in him and change my perspective...

He takes care of me when I am sick...

He loves making dinner....

He laughs at my goofy jokes....

He is caring and soulful....

Every teacher says how respectful and insightful he is....

I may call him "the teenager", but he is the most amazing teenager in the world!!!!!!

Just late...

When I'm "just late"...someone is the cause.
I have a new system....whoever is the cause of making me late is charged $5. This new system has increased my days of being on time.
But if you REALLY want to break it down....it goes something like this:

"Everyone up!" me
many grunts and moans from the princess...
"Everyone up!" me
"I AM" screams the princess....now grunts and moans from the teenager....
"Everyone up" me
"La la la la la" sings the princess as she tries on 4 different outfits....
"I AM!" screams the teenager...
During this time, I am trying to get myself ready...
As we all finally walk downstairs...somewhat dressed....
Someone (depends on the day)
"Oh, I forgot..."
This leads to me either helping someone find something, helping with homework, running to the store buying something, etc...

Once, this lead to me frantically jumping out of bed.....which I am still in a walking cast 4 1/2 weeks later.

So when I'm "just late"....it is MUCH more than "just late"... it is complicated, crazy, chaos :)

Where do I fit in...

When I was in the hospital back in October, I had a doctor tell me I was a complicated jigsaw puzzle when it came to figuring me out. It think this has always been true about me with all aspects of my life. I have always tried to be simple... or tried to fit in... or even try to seem normal...

My reality is that I am far from simple or normal... I will never fit any mold or stereo type...

I'm finding these realities to be true with being a divorced, single mother that has an autoimmune disease... I have friends that could fall into so many categories. But I am very complicated because of who I am, how I handle my relationship with the ex and his girlfriend, how I want to wear my Superwoman gear, how lupus restricts my life....

I feel that I don't fit in anywhere.

Having this feeling can be consuming at times, but I see it as a blessing. This helps me be a better mother, sister, daughter, teacher, and friend. It helps me not take life too seriously. It helps me be me...

So I guess you could say if I had to pick a disease that is as complicated as I am, lupus would be it... Don't you think so???

Momma would be proud...

to see the ladies we have become...

to have the amazing bond we have enriched...

to the traditions we have kept and began...

"My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune." Graycie Harmon

Trying....

+I'm trying to catch up on blogs...





+I'm trying to move...





+I'm trying not to lay in bed all day...





+I'm trying to work through the pain...





+I'm trying not to cry when I walk...





+I'm trying to be strong for my children...

This is the WORST trying to get back to close to 100% I have EVER had to go through!!!!!