What a catch....

So I was laughing with one of my coworkers/friends today. She has an autoimmune disease, 4 kids, and is seperated from her husband. I was telling her that I keep forgetting to make my appointment for the oral surgeon for myself. I bit down on a piece of beef jerky and took out a chunk my tooth...in the front. (classy...I know) So I keep forgetting to make this appointment (which I remembered today), because they will also give me my retainer with a fake tooth... Now back to why we were laughing (I hope you have been able to keep up)....

We were talking about how everyone always says that you'll find love again... or your Prince Charming is out there waiting for you....
But what Prince Charming wants a Cinderella with an autoimmune disease, 2 kids, making a teacher's salary, with missing teeth.... (please laugh...because I still am :) )

So that's why I'm cool being by myself...
But I'm not really by myself...
1. I have AWESOME kids!
2. I have a WONDERFUL family who is always in need...or at least they pretend they are to make me feel better...
3. I have an AMAZING BFF who makes me laugh until my belly hurts and I cry. Plus she keeps me grounded :)
4. I have SUPER friends who live right across the street from me. Neighbors can make super friends!!!
5. I have OUTSTANDING friends who I get to work with every day!!!!
6. I have MARVELOUS sorority sisters who are always there when I need them!!!
7. Then I haveINCREDIBLE friends who don't fall into any of these categories...

Needless to say I have a support system that rocks!!!!

sinus infection...

meds that suppress my immune system + high stress levels = sinus infection = antibiotics



And all of this comes when I have parent-teacher conferences where I have to work 7:25am - 7:30pm two nights... Add on email from teachers about my kid and some issues.... Then a phone call about having a house showing tomorrow (that means I have to clean the house)... Still need to remember to call oral surgeon because my teeth have issues... Did I mention that I have lupus, which means I am totally exhausted.... Throw in normal every day drama... and you have complicated, crazy, chaos!!!



UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!

As I feel sorry for myself, I remember that there are kids starving in Africa, with AIDS, no meds, and no parents.... That puts my life into perspective... Life is short and things are not that bad :)

Weekends without the kids...

Having the kiddos go the ex's for the weekend is bitter sweet...

Bitter because:

* seeing Sylvie cry and begging to stay with me breaks my heart...

* knowing both kiddos will come back with issues makes my blood pressure go up...

* knowing I can't protect them makes me feel completely helpless...

Sweet because...

* it gives me time to relax and unwind and focus on myself...

* I can go to Victoria Secrets without someone giggling at every thong on a mannequin...

* I can a have a clean, quiet (but lonely) house...

Thank goodness I have:

* wonderful sisters who make sure I'm never too lonely...

* awesome friends who make sure I'm never too lonely...

* precious nephews who make me feel needed when I feel so helpless...

My mom

Days when it is hard, it makes me miss my mom. There are a million things I miss about her...
I miss her smell of White Linen (which totally makes me gag).
I miss that she knew what kind of day I had just by looking at me.
I miss that her justification for everything I did "was just a phase"...lol
I miss that she would drop everything in a second when she knew I needed her.
I miss that she would ALWAYS pull the pony tail holder out of my hair...then tell me how much she loved my hair.
I miss her hugs.
I miss when she said "I love you" every time we hung up the phone...even on our last phone call.
I miss when she would yell "Christina Helen" when I said something inappropriate...

She wasn't perfect...but she was awesome... I'm so lucky to have her as long as I did :)

Both mother and father...

One positive and negative to being a full time single parent is that you must play roles of both mother and father... sometimes at the same time. This should fall under as a talent. You, and only you, have to be the one who they fear, love, get silly with, confide in, look up to, respect... It's a tall order when you are doing it on your own.

Here are some helpful tips on survivng the talent of being both mother and father:

1. extra hugs

2. snuggle time

3. little notes in their packed lunches

4. picking up their favorite snack just because

5. telling them how wonderful you think they are

6. rules, rules, rules

7. know and use the term "because I said so"

8. making them say "yes Ma'am"

And when you mess up (because you WILL mess up), remember you are just giving them things to talk to their therapist about when they grow up.

More assignments from sister J...

Who I was...

Who I am...

Where I want to be...

Seriously....

Who I was... married I had lost myself. You could see the life being sucked out of me. Thank goodness I had (have) Anthony and Sylvie! They were my sunshines through the rain. They were the silver linings over the dark cloud. Being married was not the worst life in the world, but it was not the best. When I had a bad day, he always knew how to make me laugh. But when I had a lupus flare, he didn't know how to support me. He didn't know that I needed him to be the strong one when I couldn't be the strong person I wanted to be. I think that is a lesson learned IF (and I mean a really big if) I ever get into another relationship. The guy needs to be able to know how to support me during my struggles with lupus.

Who am I... I am a hyper, extremely positive, giving, caring mother, sister, daughter, friend who LOVES life...especially my own :)

Where I want to be.... right here, right now, enjoying every minute of my life :)

Being a mom to Sylvie...

You know the saying "If you had your 2nd kid 1st, you would only have 1 kid...." That would definitely fit here... She is adorable, amazing, and very high-maintenance....

Being a mom to Anthony...

Anthony was the BEST baby/kid ever.... Now he is in Middle School and I think he lost brain cells...literally.

My Family...

Oh yes...they add to the complicated, crazy, chaos :)

Getting Started...

Welcome to my life... I'm a single mother with two kids. Anthony is 12 (13 at the end of April). Sylvie is 8. I teach 3rd grade. I have lupus. When I give you just the facts, it doesn't seem complicated..or crazy. But as I unfold the details of my life, you will begin to understand how it becomes complicated, crazy, and chaotic.

I was diagnosed with Lupus almost 7 years ago. May 2009 was my last flare...the day my divorce was final. I'll let you draw your own conclusions. I spent years and years researching ways of how to keep myself stress-free and healthy... Who would have known that I was looking at the puzzle from the wrong angle?

One of my sisters, we'll call her sister J, thinks this would be great therapy for me since I won't go. On my defense, I did go to therapy... where I spent all of my time talking about my mother (who passed away 11 years ago)... I considered myself over the ex.

Then sister J told me I should talk about all of the Stages of Grief I go through. I rolled my eyes, then told her I know all of the stages: 1. Denial (I don't see why I need to do this... I'm fine.) 2. Anger (if she gives me one more things to write, I'm going to ignore her for a day or two.) 3. Bargaining (If I do this, maybe she'll leave me alone.) 4. Depression (I always skip this phase... Just a personal philosophy... life is too short to get sad, so find the positive.) 5. Acceptance (I'm doing this...aren't I.)

I LOVE my kids!!!! They were the BEST things that came of my marriage...really!!! But this is suppose to be about me, not them...UGH!!! See, it's so easy for me to focus on everyone else except myself... It's in my nature... remember... I'm a teacher.

Divorces sucks! I usually try to use better language because I am a teacher, but sucks sums it up. If I never had to deal with the ex, I think I would have a different attitude and word). But I do have to deal with the ex, so the word sucks stays.